now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the raccoons are back...
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