R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
