cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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