My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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