i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
