At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
