Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
