yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
