Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
