My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
