:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
