this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Randomize
