Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
