Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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