I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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