Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
