There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
