Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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