I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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