I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
