Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
