I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
