I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
