I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
