Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
