I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
