I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
