i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
