My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your penis caused this!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
