he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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