I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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