My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
