If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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