that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
