What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
