You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
