I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I stole a fireplace last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
