It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
