She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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