please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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