My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
