Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
