so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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