fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
