so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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