yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
