look no pants
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
