Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
