he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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