ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
