Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
