He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
