Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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