I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
