all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
