I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
