Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bring me that man meat
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
