dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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