Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need moral support for this bender
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
