we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
