Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
